Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
