Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
