My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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