Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
