apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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