Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
