My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
