your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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