Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
