pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
