I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everyone says I win the strip club
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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