New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
