man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
