He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
