Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
