i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
