it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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