he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
