Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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