I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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