his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
