Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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