the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
