i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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