What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize