she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
