wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
