I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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