Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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