we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
