she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
