I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
