you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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