I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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