so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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