I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
