you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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