I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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