the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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