I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
