Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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