I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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