Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
even my farts smell like vagina
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
