great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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