I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
