So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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