Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize