Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
