just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
