You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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