Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
