then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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