I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
