Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was confusing and full of hummus
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
