I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
