evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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