Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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