She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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