Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
