love makes seman taste better
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
