after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
