I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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