You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
