So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
