You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
