the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
