I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
