Your tits are I can't wait for
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
