drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
