I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He passed out mid-signature
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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